Please Close The Door Behind You

“Please close the door behind you.”

We often use this phrase when a person is leaving a room. But if, for some reason that door is still ajar, we get up and shut it our self. Why? The outside noise disturbs our peace, our work, our privacy. Yes, it took a little effort on our part to halt mid-work and close it but the result was quite satisfying.

Then why do we keep hoping that 'their’ person closes the door behind them when they leave the relationship?

Why do we allow them to have the reins to guide our share of peace?

Why do we not our self find that solace instead of burning our soul in self-doubt?

They left because you burned the toast one morning. They left because you were occupied with work and couldn’t message them that evening. They left because you gained 5 kg or maybe they left because those curves lost their bend. They left because what not… You could spend another million thoughts looking for the exact nail in the coffin that did it in. But to what ends? They left because it wasn’t their jam anymore. They left because… Darling, they left because they wanted to. Period.

We beg for explanations, for words to make sense of the break-up. Seek forgiveness for mistakes we did not commit or for mistakes that weren’t. Can you ever know where the needles of the clock were when it began falling apart? Did they circle the date on the calendar when they decided they wanted to drift away from you?

You can be sure no genie is coming out of that bottle, dangling on your nightstand waiting to burst and purge itself off of all your emotions, that you have been pushing back from your eyes repeatedly. Why don’t you allow yourself the catharsis?

We have always been made to believe that a person is incomplete in themselves, ‘you will find your better half when the time is right. In contemporary times when modern relationships are so dynamic and evolving at a never-before-seen pace, there arises a need for a change in vocabulary. A healthier outlook would rather be to understand that you are your own person or you are enough. You may or may not be perfect but every individual is an imperfectly beautiful whole. And I couldn’t stress upon it enough to imprint in each mind. But the moment someone decides to leave our lives, we throw this assertion right out of the window and begin to seek, beg, look for the dreaded CLOSURE. There are all kinds of relationships and all kinds of lacunas in each. Whether the ire of toxic parents or constant judgments of critical siblings or maybe a friend who wishes to have nothing to do with you anymore or a romantic partner, closure is something that pervades all contours. And to arrive at your closure sometimes you just need to remove yourself from the prying eyes of the world that leaves you with nothing but a sense of inferiority against their suffocating yardsticks. To rush through the process of healing, to think that one night’s drunken debauchery will remove those scars is the path to deepening the hurt, the trauma your heart experienced. Instead, remember that those extra calories sitting in your freezer and the silky white pillow are there to be by your side in these difficult times. Choose your battle. Take your time.

I say it’s time we rather seize our own closures. We give ourselves the peace and freedom that we so deserve, to breathe a sigh of relief at finding the lost wings again.

Image Credit: Elizabeth Kenney, Saatchi Arts